When baked Alaska was just a dessert… A scientific fairy tale…

Vince Rizzo
5 min readSep 15, 2020
Medieval barber, what’s Trump’s excuse?

Science is a scary stubborn thing…

Once upon a time, in a nation not so long ago, a president dumber than a bag of broken hammers set out to chastise a noted scientist. The president while other students were studying in science class, studied “sighenz” — -a peculiar blend of other-earthly bullsplatter he had invented himself. The real scientist’s name was Wade Crowfoot, who brought over two decades of public policy and environmental leadership with expertise in water, fisheries, and climate to a meeting with Donald Trump. Crowfoot went to college.

In a room filled with folks who knew better, the president asserted his ignorance:

“It’ll start getting cooler. You just — you just watch,” the president said. “I wish science agreed with you,” Crowfoot said. “Well, I don’t think science knows, actually,” he said.

Actually, the fires rage on as the world grows a little hotter. Science knows. Like the apocryphal frog placed in a pot of cool water, the heat on our “third pot from the sun” has just been turned up a notch. The president, removing his head from his butt, has declared that science is a hoax, most likely concocted by left-wing “einsteins” to challenge his election. Like the frog, he chooses to sit there, denying heat as our pot begins to boil! In a sweat, he scoffs, “It will get cooler, just you wait and see.”

Don’t worry…

Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry, be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double Don’t worry, be happy Ain’t got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don’t worry, be happy
The landlord say your rent is late Don’t worry, be happy

Climate change deniers have found their hero. This “sharpie” has convinced the dumbest among us not to believe their warming toes, as the evidence all around them tells them to hop out. Now their feet, then again their butts — — the hotter it gets the more assured they are that he is right and real science is pure hokum. “Don’t worry, be happy”, they chant, channeling singer Bobby McFerrin.

Why Worry

McFerrin’s’ cool reggae-jazz tune struck a cord back then. It was an anthem for the time, a pop “philosophy” first brought to the fore by an Indian spiritual leader and mystic Meher Baba. His saying was popularized in the West on posters and cards. Today, it is an apt philosophy for Trump adherents who live on islands of denial. But there is reason to worry. For those not living with the misperceptions of Donald Trump’s humble intelligence, it happens that, metaphorically (at least for now) the sky is falling.

The wildfires that have grown more dangerous and widespread each year are a condition of climate change. Global warming is real and has caught the attention of real scientists:

As a whole, 2019 was the second hottest year on record, according to the report, published by government scientists on Wednesday. That caps off the hottest decade in recorded history. The last half of the decade was also one for the record books: All five years, together, were the hottest on record. The cause, the scientists say, is clearly human-emitted greenhouse gases.

Trump’s attitude cannot cool the truth, and all the brooms and rakes he brings to his argument to end the wildfires in the West could not begin to solve the problem. His solution is basically irrational post The Enlightenment:

Immanuel Kant defines “enlightenment” in his famous contribution to debate on the question in an essay entitled “An Answer to the Question: What is Enlightenment?” (1784), as humankind’s release from its self-incurred immaturity; “immaturity is the inability to use one’s own understanding without the guidance of another.” Expressing convictions shared among Enlightenment thinkers of widely divergent doctrines, Kant identifies enlightenment with the process of undertaking to think for oneself

Trumpodoric of New York

Donald Trump, a reality “star” is now playing in the role of a lifetime. His meanderings through a subject he boasts little respect for, has no knowledge of, and cares little about, is now dangerous. Recalling the character created by Steve Martin for Saturday Night Live, he is Trumpodoric of York, a medieval realtor, who applies brooms (recall the brilliant Gilda who played “Broom Gilda”) and rakes to cure wildfires, and bleach and UV rays to combat the plague. His wisdom like the leeches of yore when applied judiciously is a cureall if only we would listen:

“You gotta take care of the floors. You know? The floors of the forest. Very important,” said Mr. Trump. “I was with the President of Finland and he said, ‘We have a much different — we’re a forest nation.’ He called it a ‘forest nation.’ And they spend a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things, and they don’t have any problem. And when it is, it’s a very small problem.”I said you’ve got to clean your floors, you got to clean your forests. They have many, many years of leaves and broken trees. And they’re like, so flammable. You touch them and it goes up.

Practicing science without a license should be a felony. As Martin’s Theodoric admitted to Broom Gilda:

You know, medicine is not an exact science, but we are learning all the time. Why, just fifty years ago, they thought a disease like your daughter’s was caused by demonic possession or witchcraft.

If only his modern-day science grifter were so insightful. So as Trump’s base listens and nods and hangs on his every lie, our nation is afire As they worship him as if he were the second coming of Bill Nye, The Science Guy, the globe warms. He is what he is a supremely confident clown with hair and shoes aglow — -an imposter on the world stage. Joe Biden has called him — -a climate arsonist. That pretty well describes him.

I sense the pot is beginning to roil. The heat is on. Just as the frog stands smugly in the slowly rising heat, Donald trump is unaware, because he is ignorant of the rules of science he is flouting. One, that whatever goes up, must come down, is devastating enough. Another, what gets hot gets burnt, really sucks.

This clown show we have been living through is bound to end. The laws of science are inexorable and unyielding. Go ask the dinosaurs.

Science is a scary serious thing.

Originally published at https://vincerizzo.substack.com.



Vince Rizzo

Former president of the International Association of Laboratory Schools (IALS) and a founder of a charter school based on MI theory.