Superhero Trading Cards! Now what can go wrong with this boondoggle?
Major Announcement!
The anticipation is palpable. As I sat awaiting the announcement that the former president announced with a “superhero” themed teaser, I wondered, isn’t this… well, rich? Then I caught myself, realizing that the depths this man would plumb for attention had snagged me once again. “Do I care?” would have been so much more appropriate response. But like a bug attracted to flypaper, I simply couldn’t resist. After careful thought wasted on the anticipation, I began to game out the most likely scenarios. Looking through diaries and articles written by others smitten by the tease, I thought it likely that Trump would be responding to the latest polls showing him losing among Republican voters to Ron DeSantis in early polling for the 2024 nomination.
Reading tea leaves, following breadcrumbs, I thought that a VP early announcement of a running mate was a good possibility. Following the visit of Kari “Lago” to the Palm Beach shrine to greed and corruption, that a Trump-Lake ticket would be both newsworthy and the kind of mildly outlandish stunt for Trump to pull since nationally, no one except for those who fell into the MAGA looney bin cared about either of them. Yet, speculation includes other potential running mates like Elise Stefanik, Margorie Taylor Green, and Iowa Governor, Kim Reynolds. None of these comes even close to the obsequiousness of Mike Pence. To imagine what it would take for the superhero ex-president to take on a strong woman as his second is difficult to fathom — a point that might speak to his desperation more than ambition. This of course carelessly dismisses the idea that in the Trump world, nothing other than his name is written in stone, nothing or no one is forever.
A second, less likely scenario, however, has piqued my interest. What if Trump orders “his Kevin” to step aside and let him run for Speaker of the House? Now wouldn’t THAT be rich? Take THAT Ron DeSanctimonious. I would think that the speaker’s job may be too much for Trump — too much work and far too many details to focus on. It would, however, keep the Florida candidate topical and atop the news and social media outlets. It would also pose the greatest risk for Trump (and even more so for the country) over the next two years.
The high-wire act referenced in the title is a recognition that for most of his life the disgraced, twice impeached, the former president has walked the wire with a net knitted together by fame and fortune. The prickly proposition of hauling him off to court, a tactic instilled by his mentor and fellow miscreant Roy Cohn was always tempered by the one trick they shared — the double down. Once caught with a hand in the cookie jar, grab another. The theory behind this tactic is closely associated with their lack of shame and a willingness to accept an infliction of pain as long as more pain was inflicted on a foe than received by Trump. In this category, we could place his divorce proceedings, bankruptcies, and out-of-court settlements that minimized his personal discomfort to the degree it caused equal or greater discomfort to the other side.
For once, some would argue, the net is gone and the asymmetry augmented by years of fast foods and diet colas promises to imperil each next step. What will he announce? Will it be Kari or Margie — or Speaker Trump!?
Nope!
“GET YOUR CARDS NOW! Only $99 each! Would make a great Christmas gift. Don’t Wait. They will be gone, I believe, very quickly!” Trump wrote on Truth Social.
None of the above!! Trump has a new and more desperate scam based on NFT trading cards. How could I have missed those clues that pointed to the Non-Fungible Token market? It was all there, The cartoon Trump superhero whipping off his shirt to reveal his superpower tee ($45). The roadside “TrumpSuperStores” could be stocked within hours of the “major announcement” with the 3x4 packets of cards ($99 ea.) complete with bubblegum — just like in the old days.
This has all the earmarks of a Ron Popeil (The Pocket Fishing Pole) or a Mike Lindell a/k/a “the Pillow Guy” ripoff. I can hear it now: “But wait…” the made-for-TV model closer always has a sweetener. Could it be a holograph edition with a 4D version of the gummy cards that would include a genuine illegal misrepresentation of the presidential seal — possession of which grants the sucker free admission to any MAGA rally-rumble! How about throwing in an original pointy-headed Helmet-Hoodie and orange-laced Klown Kicks sneakers for sneaking in and out of mosques and synagogues without leaving a trace?
Since we can be fairly certain that the NFT model would be taxed (snarky word choice mine) trying to spell fungible, there must be a genius behind the venture who has tested the idea and found it worthy of fraud. According to Investopedia commutable tokens are not necessarily a good buy:
For starters, investing in NFTs is a misnomer because NFTs by themselves are not exactly an asset class. NFTs use blockchain technology to digitally signify ownership, making an NFT more like the title to a car rather than the car itself. Just like you wouldn’t buy a car just for the paper title that comes with it, it’s not smart to buy an asset just because it’s been tokenized into an NFT.
— Investopedia, Pros and Cons of Investing in NFTs, by Allie Grace Garnett
Kryupto-Currency
Yet, Donald J. Trumpp, the 45th and ex-president of the United States is enthusiastic about the rollout of his new primetime hustle:
Trump described the art as “very much like a baseball card, but hopefully much more exciting.” Buying a Trump NFT enters you into a raffle to win a number of prizes, including a one-on-one meeting with Trump at Mar-a-Lago. Those who purchase over 45 of the cards automatically get to meet the former president at a gala dinner in Florida. Thus far 69 people have more than 45 of the NFTs in their digital wallet, according to Dune data.
— CNET, Donald Trump’s ‘Major Announcement’ Turns Out to Be an NFT Collection by Daniel Van Boom
“Oh, man, gotta get me some of that” is not the first thought I had after reading what promises to be another prospective court case on the order of Trump University and Trump Steaks. Worthless Superhero Trading Cards have all the markings of a circus flim without the flam.
I’ll end this with sobering lyrics that are hardly worthy of my subject matter but that sum up the depth to which our politics have devolved:
Don’t you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you’d want what I want —
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns…— Sondheim, Send in the Clowns, from A Little Night Music
…Don’t bother, they’re here.
Originally published at https://vincerizzo.substack.com on December 16, 2022.
